


The First Voices

by angstyastronaut



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Child Death, Gen, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 11:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21373357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstyastronaut/pseuds/angstyastronaut
Summary: A mage who can't block out the voices doesn't live for very long. Lalli learns this harsh lesson at a young age.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	The First Voices

Lalli doesn’t like most people, but Ida is an exception. She is friendly like Tuuri, but knows when to leave him alone, and say stupid jokes. She is similar to him; she often complains about the stupid things everyone else says, how her parents constantly scold her for rudeness. They often complain together at the back of the village, where they weave little forts that fall to pieces in the next stiff wind. She complains too, about the lessons she is forced to take with the scouts, because the adults claim she’s special and she needs to learn things, even though she’d rather stay on the island and read or wander around with him. They take her for a month long trip to the dangerous islands. She never returns.

He doesn’t know what’s happening at first. His mother won’t let him go out; “Not today,” she whispers, and hugs him far too tightly. Lalli doesn’t bite; he knew from experience that his parents won’t let him out if he does. Still, he hisses and scowls and wriggles like a worm. Ida will be back soon, so he needs to greet her. His mother just hugs him tighter, and he realises that something is wrong.

His parents bring him to table, sitting him down in one of the chairs he doesn’t like; they’re too high and he likes his feet on the ground. “Ida is missing, Lalli.”

All inhabitants of Saimaa know what this means, even if they’re only small. Before they continue, his eyes fill with tears. The world blurs around him.

“You know that Ida was a mage, like your cousin Onni? And you know that he hears things- what am I talking about, you know all this already,” his father sighs and puts his hands to his temples. 

“Sometimes… young mages are drawn in by trolls- they don’t survive. That’s what happened to Ida.”

Lalli screams, because Ida is gone forever, and it’s ripped his heart into shreds, and his parents are grasping at him, and he can’t get away because the chair is too high. 

-

The funeral is attended by the whole settlement. Some of them shake Lalli’s hand. Too many. At least he isn’t Ida’s parents, who have to shake everyone’s hands and smile, even though they’ve lost their second child (their first went to another settlement and got the Rash. Lalli can't remember his name) and when his mum forces him to shake their hands, too, he just smiles.

“Thank you for being friends with Ida,” her father says. His eyes are red like Onni’s, when he has a bad fit of crying. Lalli doesn’t respond, and his mum tells him to find their seats so that she can talk with them. He wonders if they’ll feel worse, because he’s alive and Ida isn’t. If he could, he would take her place.

He cries at the funeral a lot, and constantly has to wriggle out of his parent’s grasp when they try to comfort him. Ida would complain about this. She’d read about the Norweigians, and their funerals with longships and sacrifices, then declared that was how she wanted to go. Lalli cries some more, because he’s betrayed her; maybe she was angry with him now in Tuonela. 

His parents walk with his grandmother home. She intimidates Lalli a bit; her eyes are like steel, her pale brown hair hanging around her shoulders in a straight line. Scars riddle the surface of her skin. She watches him very closely, which gets unbearable when his parents leave him with her for the harvest. When he creeps off to his room, his grandmother lingers to have some food. “What happened was terrible, but inevitable. Ida never managed to ignore them,” she says, which prompts an argument in low voices that Lalli can’t bear listening to. That night he dreams he’s lying on wood in a forest, before walking out onto a dark sea, longing aching in his heart.

-

Lalli spends the next weeks in sullen silence. Even Tuuri leaves him be when his parents ask her over, hoping that she’ll draw him out of his shell. When he’s allowed out he wanders alone to the remoter parts of the island, kicking at the remnants of the last fort he build with Ida. He can’t remember how to make them anymore.

He is at the docks, staring out at the shadows of the other islands when he hears them for the first time. “Help us, oh please help us, I’m so scared…” the voice trails off into silence, although Lalli can still feel it, even with his hands over his ears. He goes home and eats mum’s cookies without permission, and forgets about it until the next day.

“...Lalli?” He jumps; he is in the school for the first time in weeks, sitting in the back and not listening as usual. The teacher pays little attention. She has learned that he jumps and fidgets at everything. “Lalli, Lalli, Lalli help me help, oh won’t you help, it’s cold and im alone pLease HELP HELP HELP iT hURts.” Lalli leaves and goes to the docks. The voice keeps on whispering in the back of his skull, growing more frantic as he turns towards the island Ida went missing on. 

He realises. “Ida,” he whispers, and makes a promise.

-

The mages are leaving again soon, without Onni. Everyone knows that he is a gifted mage, he is so afraid of the world outside that there isn't a chance of him leaving safety, even is he was immune. If the gossip around the village bothers him, he doesn't let on. 

Lalli practises, the voice echoing in his head day after day. More voices join in, haunting even his dreams, which are almost every night now, and always feature him in a dark sea, running for her. “LaLLi, laLLi, iLlAl.” Ida’s voice is getting less coherent. He must execute everything perfectly. 

He creeps out his window at dawn and goes to the boats. He selects Hilja’s; his grandmother would sense him in seconds, and he knows there will be extra gear to hide under in her boat. Lalli’s planning pays off; he passes undetected as they sail for the island where Ida awaits.

Sunset paints the sky. The mages leave for a few minutes, giving Lalli time to slip off into the woods. His head hurts. There are so many voices here, and like market days he can’t block out the noise. “LALLI SO COLD.”

Lalli hisses despite himself at the noise. Ida is here, so he runs without any caution until something crashes into him.

There’s a fort, but it wasn’t made by Ida. She would never make it out of bones. Something is in there. “iM gLAD YoUre HERE.” Lalli turns around.The face is wide open, skull cracked to form teeth. As the troll slithers out, it knocks some lose bones out of the way. There is a little skull, fresher than the rest. “NOw coMe tO ME.”

His head is on fire. Lalli doesn’t know what to do. He should run into the woods, hope there is help coming. He should walk into the tendrils waiting for him. He freezes, torn in two until-

A blast shatters the world, but snaps him back to reality. He on the forest floor with his hands over his ears. Before him, the beast is in pieces. Behind him-

“I’ve never heard of such foolishness,” his grandmother stands with her rifle, watching the corpse warily. “You’re lucky I was here.” She crouches down beside him, eyes hard like steel. “Are you hurt?” She doesn’t ask why he came here; it is like she already knows.

Lalli is too shocked to speak, but manages to shake his head. “Good,” his grandmother made him stand. “You’re going into quarantine; a mage with no training is a liability,” she looks for any surprise in his eyes, but Lalli keeps himself still. Anguish has frozen him. He knows part of him will never leave this clearing, that Ida and her final resting place will haunt him forever. 


End file.
